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5/29/06 02:27 am - quality time

I love my family, extended and immediate, but on occassion, being forced into their company is enough incentive for me to take a power tool to my temple. I have this theory about why family vacations take places on cruises and I'm pretty sure it's because if you're on a boat, you can't escape.

I think I need a new hobby. The Archipelago exhibit really inspired me to get back into photography again. I don't know why I've let my camera collect so much dust over the years. I could make up an excuse about how I didn't have the time to do it, but I think I stopped after I started realizing that I didn't want to go through life as a bohemian. When I was 12, my family voted me, "most likely to become a starving artist" and now they think of me as "most likely to assasinate a major conservative political figure." Go figure. I think I will start putting my darkroom back together... My mother suggested that I pick up fencing again. Now that was a fun hobby for a few years. I was quite good in my age group, I even won a few medals in a fencing tournament. Beating boys is always more fun than beating girls ^_^ Most of all though, I think I might pick up the flute again. I devoted so many hours to playing for so many years... I began because I loved the bird piece to "Peter and the Wolf" yet once I surpassed that I began to get bored. Practicing for an hour and a half a day just wasn't cutting it for me. I did get to audition for the Disney youth orchestra in NYC though, which I'm sure made me a better musician. So much time put into acquiring a skill... it would be a pity to let it go to waste. I wonder if I'm still any good.

And now, a blast from the past:

"...the most important reason for going from one place to another is to see what's in between, and they took great pleasure in doing just that. Then one day someone discovered that if you walked as fast as possible and looked at nothing but your shoes you would arrive at your destination much more quickly. Soon everyone was doing it. They all rushed down the avenues and hurried along the boulevards seeing nothing of the wonders and beauties of their city as they went.

No one paid any attention to how things looked, and as they moved faster and faster everything grew uglier and dirtier, and as everything grew uglier and dirtier they moved faster and faster, and at last a very strange thing began to happen. Because nobody cared, the city slowly began to disappear. Day by day the buildings grew fainter and fainter, and the streets faded away, until at last it was entirely invisible. There was nothing to see at all."

~The Phantom Tollbooth

5/22/06 12:32 pm - .

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was i, when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together, like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.

So the years went by, I stayed the same
And she began to drift away, I was left alone
Still I waited for the day, when she’d say "i will always love you."

Lonely and forgotten, never thought she’d look my way,
She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,
Like she loved me, when she loved me

When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,
Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart
When she loved me.

5/22/06 10:18 am - quote of the moment

Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.

5/14/06 02:07 am - wheeeee

I love being home. This is most likely due to the fact that I've seen my boyfriend every day since returning, but it's nice to be back in DC anyways :) Over the past few days I've caught up with many of my good friends, though a few have yet to return. I set up a part-time summer job (on the first try too!) which should be different yet entertaining, though I'll probably be dealing with people who act like my mother when she's hungry.
At the same time, I miss people from school a lot. When I got home tonight, I had a long talk with Tammy while listening to the theme song from "The Boondock Saints" which brought back good times... Oh, for those of you from Wash U, be proud of me to know that today, I successfully took a real nap.
Have I already been home for a week? It feels like forever since I left St. Louis. By far, the worst parts of not being at school are a) lack of chipwiches b) friendsies c) not having anyone to play frisbee with. DC weather is actually being more annoying than midwestern weather, how surprising. Got my grades back for the semester... I'm quite pleased with the way things went (yay for discounts on car insurence!) Oh, Tammy has just informed me that I made Dean's List. Woohoo, it's like being back at Sidwell!

The sky made me really happy today. I like how the clouds on the east coast are always perfectly depicted in the paintings and pastels by American artists. The blue and purple swirls in the clouds today reminded me of an Edward Hopper painting. Today was different though, thanks to the rainstorms. The clouds above my house were huge and defined, exactly like the clouds in the southwest. Speaking of which, I really must take another trip down to the Four Corners sometime soon. I miss the colors.

5/7/06 11:37 pm - YAY

Home at last. It's so strange not being constantly surrounded by a bunch of my close friends 24/7. Finally I'm reminded why I hate being an only child. At least I have my smelly little doggy to keep me company. The rain makes me slighly depressed though, its not quite the "welcome home" weather I was hoping for. At least most people come back this week (if not already here), so this summer is already off to a fantastic start. I got to see my lover tonight after what felt like years, so I couldn't be happier.

Off to watch "The Best of Chris Farley" with my dad. Life is good.

Chris: "Hey... do you remember Beatle-mania?"
Paul McCartney: "Yes."
Chirs: "That was awesome."

5/3/06 10:31 pm - rainy day ups

This morning as I walked over to the music school to drop off my papers, the skies opened up in a massive downpour which soaked me to my skin. I've always loved thunder storms, especially the feeling of being inside in a cozy room while all hell is going on outside your window. As I walked back to my dorm, I had a moment of zen. The Verve's "Lucky Man" came on my random shuffle as I looked up at these immense grey clouds with the rain pouring down onto my face and drenching my hair. Right then, it felt particularly good to be alive. I love how your skin gets so soft when you get caught in the cold rain, and nothing feels better than coming back to a warm room with a change of pajamas waiting for you.

4 days. Why is time going so slowly?

5/3/06 10:31 pm - rainy day ups

This morning as I walked over to the music school to drop off my papers, the skies opened up in a massive downpour which soaked me to my skin. I've always loved thunder storms, especially the feeling of being inside in a cozy room while all hell is going on outside your window. As I walked back to my dorm, I had a moment of zen. The Verve's "Lucky Man" came on my random shuffle as I looked up at these immense grey clouds with the rain pouring down onto my face and drenching my hair. Right then, it felt particularly good to be alive. I love how your skin gets so soft when you get caught in the cold rain, and nothing feels better than coming back to a warm room with a change of pajamas waiting for you.

4 days. Why is time going so slowly?

4/28/06 01:02 pm - BOO-YA

WHO'S DONE WITH THEIR FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE?

Yep. That would be me.

4/28/06 01:02 am - whew

Tonight has been rather dramatic sadly, considering it was following a very pleasant day. I'm positive that I destroyed my final this morning. Nothing beats having an hour and a half to finish an exam and walking out thirty minutes into it with the whole day ahead of you... to study psychology. I'm not even that worried about the exam tomorrow, despite the fact that Rodebaugh's test is supposed to be the most difficult of the three.

For some reason, everything seemed to cave in for me tonight. I suppose you can only have a winning steak for so long without something catching up to you. I'm quite torn at the moment... it feels like two polar opposites are pulling me in both directions. I don't know if what I need to do is a truly selfish act or not. It didn't seem to be when I thought about it earlier, but after the conversation tonight, I just don't know anymore. At least out of all of this mess, something good always comes through. I know I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million times more, but I have truly found the best group of people in the world here at school. In no way do they replace the friends from Sidwell, but the fact that I've discovered that such phenomenal people exist outside of my DC bubble makes me deliriously happy. Already I know that I would do anything for these people and they would do the same for me.

I sat in my friend's window tonight and just observed the lawn outside. Everything just smelled so good, I love the scent of grass in the cool evenings. Things were only improved by laughing at the AEPi pledges as they were forced out for a midnight run.

Lately I've been listening to "Free As A Bird" and "Real Love", the last songs ever released by The Beatles in the 90's. Though they don't nearly come close to their releases in the 60's, both songs strike me as oddly sentimental. Lennon's voice truly sounds ghostly, especially in "Real Love". I suppose all this talk of love and being in love simply makes me happy.

Tomorrow should follow the excellent pattern of the week. By 11 am tomorrow (and possibly earlier), I will be more or less finished with school. Free food all day long, going to see Michael Ian Black in the evening, followed by the Matt Nathanson and Ben Folds concert on Saturday. Pity its going to rain though. I suppose getting a pneumonia is worth having an awesome time for the last week of college :)

4/25/06 10:41 pm - new hotness

...and the date keeps moving forward! By noon on May 7th, I will be back in the DC metro area. No more school or St Louis! Despite the two exams this week and the two papers next week, life could not be more pleasant. I think I've somehow become goofier lately, perhaps to fulfill my own weirdness quota. So here I am, listening to Abbey Road (which has forever been tainted), drinking cocoa and eating toast with jam, daydreaming about spending the summer with Erik, with over 100 pages of psychology reading to do and I couldn't care less. This is the epitome of the word content. No major dramas have occurred since this past weekend, no one is fighting, I do believe we have reached a ceasefire (or perhaps everyone is too overwhelmed with work to socially interact). More good news- I found out that I'm guaranteed a spot in the astrophysics class for next fall, despite the fact that the waiting list is over 40 people.

In about 2 months I'll be 19. The last hurrah, the final year of adolescent angst, though they tell me that the angst continues. I re-read my blog entry from April 25th, 2005. Exactly last year...
* I had just watched the old version of "The Amityville Horror" and that night a poster fell on my head while I was asleep.
* I had numerous sleepless nights in a row, caused by deranged dreams consisting of bloody gladiator fights.
* Eagerly anticipating the end of the school year, the release of "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", the beginning of my WRAMC internship, going to Amherst for the ultimate tourney, the Bloc Party concert and the SYLK eurotrip.

Most importantly, we received the time capsuls we made five years ago. A lot changes in five years... much more than you notice. I keep thinking how much things have changed just within the last year, with me and everyone else from Sidwell. I don't think I feel older, just wiser in some aspects. I'm sure everyone else has changed in similar manners, but it is so comforting to know that although we're different, things will stay pretty much the same between the group. Just writing and thinking about all of this reinforces the fact that I know that I have the best friends in the world, and something tells me that this will never change.

I think I'll go watch more Simpsons episodes.

12 days.
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